The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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