I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
