I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
