ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
