we have officially lost it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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