While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
