After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
