I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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