his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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