dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just high enough for therapy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
