a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
