It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
