the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
