tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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