The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
