I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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