My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
