oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
