I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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