Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
