I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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