you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
