at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
