i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize