We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
