i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
