i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
