its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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