My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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