It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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