The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize