"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
