I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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