my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
