i would punch a child for taco bell
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
