I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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