I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
