Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
