My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
