Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
