God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
