So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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