like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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