It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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