Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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