you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
