I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
