Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
