Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
