used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
