Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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