i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
