im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
