I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Welp...herpes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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