You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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