You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
