You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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