so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
