So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
