my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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