I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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