If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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