I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
