May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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