Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
