I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
