kristin has been a bad kristin
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
