One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
