I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
