I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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