For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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