When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
