i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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