Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
