I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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