I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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