I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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